I recently had the honor of baptizing one of my best friends, a Chinese girl, into Christ. It was honestly the most meaningful thing I’ve ever done. She now calls me “brother.” I love her deeply as a friend and sister in Christ.
events surrounding this moment have brought to the fore paradoxical
aspects of my character I’ve been struggling with since my early college
years. I was a left wing activist type before I became identitarian,
and my transformation only resulted after I realized the Cultural
Marxist New Left lies about racial egalitarianism and gender identity
were immoral affronts against the truth.
Maybe my heart is still leftist and globalist.
life has often been contradictory. In high school, I believed in
traditional Christian gender identity but spent the majority of my
social time with homosexuals in the theater department. I was among the
only strong Christians in the school, but had more gay friends than
almost anyone I knew.
Currently, I’m a missional
English teacher in China working with the local church. My two best
friends are an atheist Chinese girl and a Muslim Pakistani foreign
student. How can this be reconciled with my ideological and online
identity as an opponent of immigration and diversity?
live in a globalized world, and God has blessed me with the ability to
travel and given me diverse friends to love. He’s also given me a
passion for the truth and an interest in social sciences and history
that led me to embrace identitarianism.
The world is
messy and filled with paradoxical arrangements and contradictory people
(I count myself among them). When I read the Gospels, I sense paradox in
Jesus’s life. He passionately defended the Mosaic Law and called for
extreme piety and moralism (“if your right hand offends you cut it
off”), but when an adulterous women was brought to him he found a kind
of loophole allowing her to be saved from execution. The paradox of
mercy verses morality and justice.
I have not found a
good way to reconcile the inconsistencies in my own life. Sometimes,
when I feel overwhelming emotions I have to violate the ideological
strictures I hold inside my head. If I didn’t, I couldn’t live with myself.
cheesy as it sounds, love must be the supreme guide in this modern
unstable deracinated world. We can’t neglect the people God places in
front of us, no matter how diverse they may be, in hopes of willing an
ethno-state into existence. History is God’s domain, and he can save the
white race regardless of what we do or say. I’m not suggesting we stop
preaching the truth, God demands we continue, but I am suggesting a
recognition and acceptance of the contradictions in our lives (or, at
least, my life).